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(Adapted from an interview with Kwyk Gettrich, Professor in Entrepreneurship at the Smith School of Business, in the abandoned room on the north third floor of Van Munching Hall that serves both as his office and a place for his $15 air mattress.)
Little time has been wasted during the 168-year history of the University of Maryland in its pursuit of unadulterated excellence. Our sports franchises only grow more state-of-the-art by the day, which the mansion of glass towering over Campus Drive can attest to. The quantum computer under development in the Atlantic Building is projected to be smarter than a TI-83 calculator by 2034. Our fully functional train station will be in service in half that time, I imagine.
With the vast resources and facilities we have amassed, there is still more we can do to live up to our vision of being Fearlessly Forward. I propose that the best possible use of our assets is to hold regularly scheduled lectures in various areas of study, which recent high school graduates can attend to eventually receive a degree in the area(s) they choose.
Our current army of professors can be the teachers, lending their unparalleled expertise to instruct and guide these students to similar levels of disciplinary fluency. I have no doubt they will be willing to take time away from their research pet projects to train their ultimate replacements.
To be clear, this is a business proposal; I would not put it forward otherwise! Maintaining an educational institute on our campus would be lucratively profitable. The classes would be offered for a reasonable fee, naturally. Additionally, if we offer the students their basic living needs, they will live on campus full-time and pay for dining, transportation, and medical services. This will drive up our profit even further. Provided we attract enough students, we will finally have a use for all of the dormitory buildings located here for one reason or another.
Training a new generation of scholars and scientists for the future is the most Fearless and Forward act I can envision. The only factor missing is a suitable term for it. Since, if my idea is implemented, we will soon have a ‘collage’ of individuals from different backgrounds studying different subjects, I have a few ideas in mind.
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